Free for a fulfilling relationship

Separating from a psychopathic partner requires role models and concrete instructions for everyday life

In her new book, the healing therapist and communication trainer Bärbel Mechler describes how confronting one's (ex-)partner is often a battle with oneself. Anyone who takes on this struggle inevitably changes towards self-determination and self-efficacy.

Skills for everyday combat
Bärbel Mechler has been working with victims of psychopathic abuse for over ten years and coaches individuals or groups in how to confidently deal with inappropriate, stressful communication and behavioral structures. She aptly compares the relationship with a psychopathic person to the image of a carnivorous plant that exudes a tempting scent and pretends to be a delicious source of food... "but every touch inevitably draws its prey into a terrible trap." Those affected - mostly women - soon suffer from constant stress and even very serious physical illnesses.
The new guide "My (ex-)partner is a psychopath" deliberately does not aim to be a scientific analysis of this phenomenon, but rather offers action strategies tailored to everyday life, such as how to confront your partner, how to combat your own powerlessness and how to behave in disputes with courts, experts, etc. in order to avoid becoming a victim again. "If those affected do not have clear support to counter the lies and defamation of the psychopath, they will be lost in his perfectly staged dramaturgy," says the author. The same skills are needed for dealing with the institutions that are part of the perfidious staging. For example, lawyers are no help in many cases because they lack respect for the victims and the necessary motivation. A checklist helps here in selecting a suitable representative of your own interests.

Relationship with a psychopath
There are only a few people who can resist the charm of a psychopath or who sense the danger they pose and immediately flee. However, according to Bärbel Mechler, anyone who has entered into a relationship with one will soon no longer be in control of their feelings: "Many clients tell me, crying, that they know that they are only being used and humiliated, but still believe that they cannot live without their psychopath."
Many victims refuse to acknowledge this even in threatening life situations - even if they have already suffered one or more nervous breakdowns, suffer from anxiety disorders or panic attacks and are trapped in complete isolation. Many women approach their tyrants again and again with consideration and empathy because they believe in the good in people and are ready to fight for their love again and again and, on top of that, want to free their partners from their darkness. So they never tire of fighting for understanding, explaining themselves again and again, justifying themselves or defending their rights with all kinds of arguments. But all of this is a waste of time and ultimately only leads to further painful self-harm, Bärbel Mechler knows from many years of experience.

Ready for a new partnership
Especially those people who have been trapped in relationships with psychopaths for a long time feel completely cut off from their self-esteem by the constant irritations, countless injuries or downright campaigns of destruction. And this lack, they fear, will sooner or later have a negative impact on the next relationship. This means that the victims must first slowly build up their trust in themselves in order to be able to build a trusting new relationship.
For Bärbel Mechler, an important prerequisite for a good and fulfilling relationship is "mindful communication" when both partners are interested in a conversation or are convinced that a solution is necessary. But it is not just emotional and communicative deficits that can put a strain on a relationship; life itself confronts us with many challenges: the loss of a job, money worries, illness or the lasting negative influence of an ex-partner, which he or she can continue to exert through shared children, and many other things can put a strain on a relationship. It is particularly in such moments that it is helpful to have a common idea of ​​how to deal with problems in general - before they arise.

Book tip:
Bärbel Mechler: My (ex-)partner is a psychopath. Ways out of the victim trap Mankau Verlag, 1st edition March 2017, paperback, 382 pages, 12.90 euros (D) / 13.40 euros (A) ISBN 978-3-86374-374-1.

Link recommendations:
More information about the guide "My (ex-)partner is a psychopath
More about Bärbel Mechler
To the Internet forum with Bärbel Mechler