Interview with etiquette expert and non-fiction author Herbert Schwinghammer

"The rules of etiquette are an authoritative standard that many people know and use to evaluate their fellow human beings. The need to follow rules for an orderly coexistence has not become obsolete over time. Even today, freedom is not limitless, and everyone must recognize that they have to consider and respect the rights and feelings of others." In the expanded new edition of his bestselling paperback "Der neue Taschen-Knigge" ("The New Pocket Knigge"), etiquette expert Herbert Schwinghammer shares his many years of experience and in-depth knowledge in the field of manners, helping readers achieve a confident demeanor and likeable behavior in every situation.

Your paperback "classic" has now been released in its sixth, expanded edition. What new topics have you addressed here?

Schwinghammer: A new edition offers the opportunity to respond to new social developments. A far-reaching turning point, for example, was the Corona pandemic – a time when social interaction in all areas had to be severely restricted. A side effect was that all other contagious respiratory diseases also significantly decreased because masks and other precautionary measures effectively curbed infections. This was worth writing the chapter "Health Etiquette" about, to recall these (few) positive experiences from the pandemic. Healthy travel is also a topic in this chapter.

Another aspect of social development is modern communication – no other topic has been continuously updated by me in the various editions as much as this one. While letter writing was common practice in both private and business spheres at the time of the first edition, it has significantly declined over the past 20 years in favor of email and messenger services. Another important topic is, of course, gender-neutral language.

In addition, I have supplemented each chapter with a clear list of "social blunders," which are abundant in all areas – an offer for practical reference to reliably avoid unconscious tactlessness and faux pas.  

Especially today, we get the impression that many people behave rather selfishly and simply disregard so-called rules of etiquette. Do these "egoists" have a long-term chance in their professional or personal lives, or can it be expected that they will rather not gain a foothold?

Schwinghammer: That depends on the people who have to evaluate this behavior. In professional or business life, decision-makers also take social competence into account when writing an assessment or deciding on applicants for a position. And social competence also includes "compatible" behavior among employees, which is reflected in their manners. In general, it can be assumed that those who ignore rules of etiquette have no chance in this area. In leisure time, the cultural level of the environment is decisive as to whether bad manners are noticed negatively or tolerated. In most cases, acquaintances and friends are likely to be repelled by inappropriate behavior.

Whether in everyday family life, at work, or on special occasions, unwritten rules usually determine how we interact. What is appropriate, what will put me out of bounds? Where do I need to be careful, where am I challenged, and where is restraint required? With a little know-how, navigating the etiquette jungle becomes easy. (Image: © fotolia.com - Rawpixel)

Often, we act – whether right or wrong, that remains to be seen – in certain situations according to our feelings or common sense. Where does this come from – is it part of our upbringing?

Schwinghammer: Acting on feeling requires both a certain sensitivity towards other people and towards oneself. That can never be wrong. Because it leads to actions that are subject to a certain self-control and practically always allow for pleasant interaction with other people. Exceptions are, of course, emotional outbursts of anger and rage, the course of which is often incompatible with the rules of etiquette. Emotional action is generally not ingrained, but rather part of a person's mentality.

I would not recommend making behavior dependent on common sense, because "common sense" is generally used very subjectively. For example, anyone who first interprets traffic rules before obeying them will often quickly come to the conclusion that "common sense" is not always a good and reliable guide. The same applies to rules of etiquette – simply following them is certainly better than fundamentally questioning them.

Some people constantly push the boundaries of good manners – would you describe that as human or simply unprofessional?

Schwinghammer: Neither – because it should actually be possible not to "constantly" push the boundaries of good manners. Anyone who seriously strives for pleasant behavior towards their fellow human beings will always be far from those "boundaries."

When it comes to good manners, we are happy to be guided – is this due to the strong universal validity of Knigge's rules, which have also proven themselves excellently, or to our fear of causing offense?

Schwinghammer: It is probably due to the fact that knowledge of the Knigge rules and their application provides confidence in social interactions. This is because the Knigge rules are an authoritative standard that many people know. Therefore, one can also speak of the universal validity of Knigge's rules.

Good table manners should be a matter of course. But sometimes, chefs and hosts don't make it easy for you... Artichokes, for example, as Herbert Schwinghammer humorously writes, are an "artichoke species known as a specialty, still very combative on the plate, requiring special knowledge when eating." (Image: © colourbox.de)

In your opinion, friendly and polite behavior is particularly worthwhile again in the 21st century. What can individuals do to ensure that this behavior ultimately appears natural and not "forced"?

Schwinghammer: Actually, friendliness and politeness should come from within and not have to be learned by heart as platitudes. In the service industry, for example, this difference can sometimes be clearly seen. But in addition to all one's own friendliness and politeness, good training is still necessary so as not to lose one's composure even in stressful situations.

But even in the private sphere, it is usually advisable not to give free rein to anger, but to react calmly. However, this does not mean that one should fundamentally not criticize or point out grievances. Because that is of course allowed and also necessary, as misconduct or unfriendliness on the part of another person is often the occasion. Friendliness is not necessarily required then, but politeness certainly is.

Where do you derive the contemporary rules from, for example, on modern forms of communication or in today's professional life, as you describe them in your pocket Knigge?

Schwinghammer: The necessity of following rules for an orderly coexistence has not become obsolete over time. Even today, freedom is not limitless, and everyone must acknowledge that they have to respect the rights of their fellow human beings, whether it is about physical integrity or "just" the right to be treated politely and considerately. Today, this also applies to the use of our newer technologies like email and social media. The internet is not a lawless space, and there is no reason to forget the rules of etiquette in this area, because the new media are also intended to be a form of communication between civilized people.

As for today's professional life, it differs in many ways from earlier times, even if only by a few decades, but the interaction between superiors and colleagues should still be characterized by fairness, politeness, and friendliness. Because a good working atmosphere increases the productivity of the company and thus ultimately secures jobs.

Book Tip: Herbert Schwinghammer: The New Pocket Knigge. Good manners in every situation. Mankau Verlag, 6th expanded and updated edition 2025, paperback, 12 × 19 cm, 382 pages, 12.00 Euro (D) / 12.40 Euro (A), ISBN 978-3-86374-761-9

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