Raising children without stress: Updated paperback edition of the “Anti-Parenting Guide”

The revised new edition of Andreas Winter's "Too much parenting is harmful!" is aimed at people who want to become parents, at "practicing" parents, and at the children we all once were. The aim of the book is to understand our own parents and their (parenting) mistakes in order to support our children in a stress-free manner.

How education works

With the provocative thesis "Too much education is harmful!", the eighth volume of the same name concluded the best-selling series "The Psychocoach", in which qualified teacher Andreas Winter reversed the usual viewpoints and analyzed their hidden prerequisites with scientific thoroughness and stirring examples from his many years of consulting practice. The hardcover edition, which is now out of print, is now being published as an updated paperback and will once again spark discussions with its astute and entertainingly presented depth-psychological interpretation of the parent-child relationship.

On the one hand, Winter's book is not intended to be a parenting guide or to give concrete instructions on how to raise children. On the other hand, it claims nothing less than to "uncover the traces of your own upbringing" and to explain "how parenting works". Often it is precisely the immature parents burdened by unresolved problems who, through so-called "upbringing", make it difficult or even prevent their children from living a conflict-free and self-responsible life. Only those who free themselves from the long-term consequences of their own upbringing, such as false values ​​or harmful behavioral patterns, can be a real role model for children for a happy and successful life.

“Development workers” instead of “problem creators”

In view of the increasing youth crime rate and the alarming figures for school dropouts and youth unemployment, it initially seems paradoxical to advocate for less education. The bestselling author and successful institute director therefore asks whether the lack of connection to the norms and values ​​of this society is not precisely due to the fact that parents do not take on their educational responsibilities and should actually be looking after their children much more. Although education is fundamentally a parent's job, this only makes sense if parents really know what makes children successful and happy adults and can also convey this. In other words: those who are themselves "victims of education" and lead a life full of self-doubt, illness, violence, envy, mistrust or insincerity due to the bad influences of their own parents often become bad role models themselves or, at best, negative examples of a lifestyle.

In a rapidly changing world, the norms and values ​​of previous generations are not always suitable to be adopted uncritically: "Being adaptable and inconspicuous, holding back and accepting contradiction without criticism - this is probably not how people in the future will have happy relationships or brilliant professional careers, let alone become irreplaceable and socially valuable to other people," the coach suspects, looking at countless conversations with his clients.

Instructions for happiness

For more than 30 years, Andreas Winter has been helping people with seemingly unsolvable problems: Men and women with symptoms of stress and overexertion, anxiety and depression, obesity, nicotine, alcohol and drug problems, criminal offences, financial and relationship crises, chronic illnesses and psychoses come to his institute in Iserlohn - all of them looking for a way out. And the cause of these different sufferings is often the same: "They are traumatic experiences with their own, well-meaning parents, which they were usually not even aware of."

The solution, however, is often just as simple: with the help of "reframing", it is possible to render ancient emotional memories harmless and to provide them with a "new framework" through a different perspective. When the stressful consequences of upbringing are resolved, people are freed from their subconscious behavioral patterns and self-confidence is repaired, the whole life suddenly changes for the better. Partnerships function again, professional opportunities open up, physical health returns and with it the overall quality of life. What parents actually wanted for their child from the start then finally comes true: a life as a satisfied and successful person. So anyone who wants a child to be satisfied, popular, successful and happy is setting an example of how these characteristics are lived out in a way that is worth emulating.

Book tip:
Andreas Winter: Too much parenting is harmful! How to accompany your children without stress. Mankau Verlag 2018, paperback, 12 x 19 cm, 206 pages, ISBN 978-3-86374-489-2, 9.95 euros (D) / 10.30 euros (A).

Link recommendations:
More information about the guide "Too much education is harmful!"
To the reading sample in PDF format
More about the author Andreas Winter
To the Internet forum with Andreas Winter